What on earth?! 5 years? Tonight as I was putting Cade to bed...I watched him fall asleep, with flashlight glowing in hand. There I sat, watching him drift off to sleep, utterly humbled by the grace of God. It was 5 years ago that Julie and I tried to fall asleep at the hospital, with her due date still 2 months away, not knowing that our baby boy would be born the next morning, and that it would change our lives. We knew having a baby would change our lives...but the timing wasn't ours, but it was the Lord's.
As I think back to all the thoughts and feelings that flooded my mind in the days and hours leading up to the arrival of our little boy...there are certain memories that stick:
-Convincing Julie not to find out what the gender of our baby was. We had decided not to find out, which was such a joy, but the circumstances were pressing on us to find out early. So glad we didn't. Hearing, "it's a boy" from the doctors and nurses was a moment I will not forget. Especially since I was pretty sure we were going to be having a girl.
-Texting Julie's sister Laura, who was nearing the end of her vacation in Australia.
-Knowing the prayers we were receiving from family, friends, and the church body at Calvary Bible Church (especially the Young Marrieds group).
-Meeting NICU families and nurses that would soon become good friends (and still are) even though I had no idea what I was being prepped for.
-Reading sections of the Book of Romans to Julie. She was having a tough time concentrating on anything due to the drugs that were trying to stop the contractions she was having. God's Word was a refuge and a comfort and did not return void. We were blessed and refreshed by the truth of God's Word that He cares for us and has a reason for everything...and that all things work together for good to those who are called according to His purpose.
So...as I think back to that time, I fast forward to this evening, sitting at the bedside of my son, who is turning 5 tomorrow. The boy who was 3 lbs, 15 inches long, was hospitalized for 56 days, had apnea, and we had no assurance of anything...is now a thriving, 40 lb, 42 inch, healthy boy. I am overwhelmed by the goodness of my God. Overwhelmed by His faithfulness. Overwhelmed by His grace. It is not because the story ended well that God is good. He is always good. Recognizing that the trials and struggles are for our good, because we were drawn near to the precious side of Christ is why it is good.
Tonight's takeaway for me: I have as much control today in keeping Cade alive as I did on that first day...none. Humbling. Completely humbling. God not only sustains my children, but me as well. It is that indicative truth that leads me to worship Christ imperatively with my life.
Praise Jesus!
Until He comes again...
ipm
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